“What are you going to do with those pies, boys?” – second last words of Farmer Gene Green
– last words of Farmer Gene Green Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Happy Halloween! You laugh at them at the circus. You welcome them into your homes to entertain your children. You let them sell you hamburgers. But in this Creature Feature, we look at the horror that is the clown. We discuss clowning through history and clowns in fiction. And while we can’t imagine why anyone would want to play them as protagonists, we share ideas on how you could.
In this installment, we talk about golems, the unstoppable clay (Wait, clay?) automatons, and similar constructs. Listen to find out how you can create a homunculus using porn and a horse uterus or a Seto Taisho through sheer laziness. We also discuss It!, the 1967 horror classic that shows how innocent we once were about the dangers of nuclear weapons and the durability of clay.
Episode 196: Creature Feature: Golems[ 1:00:43 ]Play NowPlay in Popup
“I’m just a simple goblin. Do you know we don’t have a word for ‘family’ or ‘love’? Suffice to say, I don’t really understand your attachment to the small humans. I have noticed, however, that most of you will do whatever it takes to prevent … misfortune befalling your wee ones. Goblins also don’t have a word for ‘regret,’ but I know you do. Think about the regrets you’ll have if you don’t take my offer.”
-“Glassy” Salo, bootlegger, racketeer, businessman, goblin
In this installment of Creature Features, we look at the lowly goblin. Will you play them as tiny fodder, as roguish antiheroes, or as unchecked capitalists?
Episode 188: Creature Feature: Goblins[ 58:42 ]Play NowPlay in Popup
“There can be only one!”
-Connor MacLeod, Highlander
Which is probably why we cut our references to Highlander: no one likes solo adventures. What we didn’t cut were Wayne’s frequent references to Dungeons & Dragons, odd coming from such a “fan” of Dungeon World.
In this installment of Creature Features, we discuss playing and playing against deities. After we cut all of the blasphemy, we were left with Thor comics and D&D cosmology.
Episode 184: Creature Feature: Deities[ 59:42 ]Play NowPlay in Popup
Delivering to O.P.C. (Yeah, you know he) Betta’ not cry, O.P.C. (Every last kiddie) Delivering to O.P.C. (Yeah, you know she) Betta’ watch out, O.P.C. (Every last kiddie)
-“O.P.C.” Naughty or Nice by Nature
In this installment of Creature Features, we discuss Santa Claus. Yes, Santa Claus. Trust us. Merry Christmas.
Episode 180: Creature Feature: Santa Claus[ 54:48 ]Play NowPlay in Popup
“I know I’m human. And if you were all these things, then you’d just attack me right now, so some of you are still human. This thing doesn’t want to show itself; it wants to hide inside an imitation. It’ll fight if it has to, but it’s vulnerable out in the open. If it takes us over, then it has no more enemies, nobody left to kill it. And then it’s won.”
-MacReady, The Thing
Our month of horror has been reduced to a week, so we give you a plus-sized episode about imposters: doppelgangers, pod people, jumpers, things, etc. Wayne didn’t know that we were allowed to read or see anything for people over eighteen, so be prepared for his tour of the young adult section of the library. We also discuss John Wick’s article “Chess is not an RPG: The Illusion of Game Balance.”
Episode 175: Creature Feature: Imposters[ 1:26:32 ]Play NowPlay in Popup
Citizen A: Thank you, Reptilon! Thank you for saving our city from Neo-Varlos!
Citizen B: Saving our city? Look around, it’s nothing but rubble now. Citizen A: Yes, but Reptilon destroyed those buildings by accident. Citizen B: As opposed to Neo-Varlos who was intentionally trying to destroy them? Citizen A: Exactly. Even though the results are the same, intention is all that matters in a kaiju battle.
A big creature feature this week as Chris, Wayne, and Lyal discuss kaiju (giant monsters). We draw out common elements and inspiration from the new Godzilla movie, as well as some old classics such as Gamera and the original King of the Monsters, Gojira. (Lyal also frequently mentions Yonggary, which is, according to him, the absolute worst movie ever made.) Then we stomp over to using these city-sized beasts as antagonists, events, and protagonists. It’s a truly titanic episode!
Episode 165: Creature Feature: Kaiju[ 1:18:37 ]Play NowPlay in Popup
“Riding through this world all alone God blah blah soul, you’re on your own The crow flies straight, a perfect line Blah the devil’s blah blah blah die blah blah blah blah eye(?).”
-Sons of Anarchy theme
In our latest installment of Creature Feature, we look at outlaw motorcycle clubs or “biker gangs” for those not in the know. After listening, you’ll see why “Biker Gangs” was our original title for the episode.
Archaeologist #1: The inscription reads, “As for all men who shall enter this my tomb impure, there will be judgment. An end shall be made for him. I shall seize his neck like a bird. I shall cast the fear of myself into him.”
Archaeologist #2: Actually, I think the “bird” is silent in this case.
Archaeologist #1: Ah. I think you’re right. Still, not so good for us, is it?
Archaeologist #2: True.
In this installment of Creature Features, we discuss mummies, the triple threat.
Episode 139: Creature Feature: Mummies[ 1:08:50 ]Play NowPlay in Popup